Then last, but by no means least, a grandmother who lived nearby who could suck the life out of a room with just one or two vicious comments. The other 25% are women, and they are just as deadly.

Who Are We? The Ones Who Get Sucked In?

How do they weave their spell? How does a strong, intelligent and grounded woman or man get sucked into the black hole of someone else’s insatiable psyche? It’s easy, if you’re used to Narcissists. It wasn’t so much a breakup as a dismissal. We try to modify our behavior so that we don’t make the same mistakes. I grew up surrounded by them.


Our official break up occurred almost a year ago. Most of us have filters, and we know when we’re hurting someone and try to make amends. It does not occur to them. There is no experience quite as humbling as giving your all to a relationship and discovering that the other person was not remotely committed to you or the relationship. I started to ask questions, set boundaries and I was not cooperating to her satisfaction, so I was dismissed. A mother, who I love dearly, but would best be classified as a benign narcissist. Everything I believed about myself was called into question: How I looked, how I ate, how I functioned – normally quite well thank you – but not when I’m under siege.

It’s hard for thinking, feeling human beings to understand the true nature of someone who is unable to love and unable to empathize. A narcissist doesn’t understand the concept of making amends, because they truly are never wrong. I got a first hand glimpse at a female narcissist and it took about a year into our two-year relationship for me to start wondering whether I was actually losing my mind. While it’s slowly dawns on you that you weren’t quite paying attention, they’ve already moved on. Those of us who know them intimately have become masters of looking the other way, of making excuses, of refusing to see ugly when ugly is standing right in front of us waving an enormous red flag..

Whether Male or Female, The Narcissist is a Nightmare

They say that 75% of Narcissists are men. A father who is a compulsive gambler and liar – someone who takes self interest to a whole new level

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